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University of Florida, CJC Online, Foundations of Intercultural Communication MMC5708.
“All relationships must begin somewhere...when someone is a stranger, we know almost nothing about them. Because of this uncertainty, we experience anxiety when interacting with that person for the first time” (Neuliep & Jandt, 2021, p.476).
Most humans feel some level of anxiety when interacting with strangers, whether in the workplace, at social gatherings, or in casual daily encounters. What creates this uncertainty? Usually, it's a lack of information or the inability to predict other people's behavior.
But uncertainty doesn't only occur between strangers. Have you ever had someone end your friendship or romance without really explaining why?
You probably felt frustrated or angry over not knowing their reasons. Or for feeling an overwhelming sense of uncertainty. "We actually prefer being told the reasons for certain behavior, even when those reasons are hurtful" (Tolhuizen, 1989).
Uncertainty also arises when someone behaves in an unexpected manner or violates our expectations. For example, how would you feel if your usually cheerful co-worker suddenly withdrew and stopped speaking to you? This type of behavior might raise your uncertainty because you no longer feel confident in your ability to predict your co-worker’s behavior.
To provide a personal example, working as a Broadway pit musician at tonight’s 8 pm show, I will sit next to and work closely with someone I have never met before. A substitute is being flown in to cover a musician at the last minute. On Broadway, this is called “subbing”. Over the years, I’ve learned new ways to approach this type of interaction with a stranger.
In this scenario, both the regulars and the substitute are nervous about what to expect. Everyone feels anxiety about performing well for the conductor and fitting in with the rest of the band.
Years ago, as a young and “green” chair holder, I tried to offer these new substitutes suggestions about how to avoid being nixed (fired). As the substitute nervously waited for the show to start, I'd point out pitfalls and recount tales about their predecessor's mistakes so they might better avoid them. Rather than helpful, this approach proved to be harmful.
Most players felt that they were not given a chance to prove themselves before receiving feedback.
While my personal preference is to receive cautionary instruction in advance, others do not share my sentiments and would prefer to correct their own mistakes. After receiving this feedback from others, I now try to make substitutes feel comfortable by simply being present and open to questions (should they have them).
Resisting the urge to offer unsolicited advice can feel challenging, like a parent watching their child struggle with a task. In both cases, it's important to remember that it is their struggle. While difficult to watch, failure is a valuable part of everyone's life journey.
Other examples of tremendously uncertain and anxiety-driven interactions with strangers include cold calls...and asking people out on a date.
Speech 197 “Hitch” uncertainty reduction theory - December 1, 2011.
This YouTube video by Nikki Rivera highlights clips from the movie "Hitch" that illustrate two men using different communication styles to pick up a woman in a bar.
Each previously discussed scenario reflects the essence of the uncertainty reduction theory, which considers a variety of factors that mediate how we actually manage uncertainty: our communication style.
"Although an individual may face large amounts of uncertainty and anxiety during initial communication, communication style may enable him or her to reduce uncertainty effectively" (Neuliep & Jandt, 2021, p.483).
According to Marvin James (2012) “Uncertainty Reduction Theory rests on 7-concepts":
Verbal Output — High levels of verbal output correlate to higher levels of communication intimacy and liking.
Nonverbal Warmth — A person’s gestures and body language can indicate a willingness to communicate.
Information Seeking — Information can be obtained passively through observation or interactively through conversation.
Self-Disclosure — Individuals divulge information about themselves to encourage others to communicate openly.
Reciprocity — Individuals may reciprocate uncertainty-reducing behavior, such as asking questions.
Similarity — Individuals who share interests will achieve communication intimacy more quickly.
Liking — Feelings of approval between individuals speed up the uncertainty-reduction process” (James, 2012).
According to Neuliep and Jandt (2021), these seven assumptions refer to two types of communication styles or sociocommunicative orientations: assertiveness and responsiveness.
Assertiveness is the ability to make requests, voice disagreements, express opinions, and terminate conversations.
Responsiveness refers to one’s ability to be a good listener, remain sensitive, and recognize the needs of others.
"Persons scoring high on both assertiveness and responsiveness instruments reported experiencing less uncertainty during initial cross-cultural interaction" (Neuliep & Jandt, 2021, p.484).
After completing the SocioCommunicative Orientation scale in Chapter 9 of Neuliep, how does your level of assertiveness and responsiveness affect your relationships?
Take the test here: Sociocommunicative Orientation Scale (jamescmccroskey.com)
After completing Neuliep and Jandt’s (2021) self-assessment questionnaire of 20 personality traits (p.487), I can report that I neither see myself as an overly responsive nor assertive communicator. Neither score rose above 40. However, my “responsiveness” score was decidedly higher than my “assertiveness”, indicating that I do lean more towards these communication styles.
Reflecting on my own communication scripts through the lens of the Uncertainty Reduction Theory, it seems that I tend to closely observe nonverbal behavior and model my own to reflect my counterpart's. While I'm capable of rambling on non-stop (high verbal output), I do try to be mindful of turning the conversation back to the other person by asking questions and leaving empty space as an opening for interjections. Smiling, laughing, and keying into similar interests are frequently a part of my approach, but only if the situation indicates that it's appropriate.
Am I perfect at this? Never. But I try, fail, and continuously seek to correct my behavior.
“Communication is a human process prone to messiness and joint responsibility that is never going to be foolproof" (Guthridge, 2020).
I agree with Liz Guthridge (2020), writer for Forbes magazine, who advocates: "Communication is a type of dance, with back-and-forth dialogue that helps create a common understanding, and then commits to act. Done well, it can take us places we could never get to on our own. By communicating more intentionally and deliberately, we can better cope with the adverse effects of uncertainty, as well as innovate better together."
QUESTIONS
What type of communicator are you - assertive or responsive?
What methods do you use to reduce anxiety when interacting with strangers?
Would you prefer to know why someone ended your relationship?
Share your thoughts.
References
Guthridge, L. (2020, October 23). How to improve your communication to counter uncertainty. Forbes. How To Improve Your Communication To Counter Uncertainty (forbes.com)
James, M. (2012, September 27). Uncertainty reduction theory. Communication Studies. Uncertainty Reduction Theory – Communication Studies
Neuliep, J. W., & Jandt, F. E. (2021). University of Florida MMC 5708 Foundations of Intercultural Communication Electronic Edition. SAGE Publications.
Rivera, N. (2011, December 1). Speech 197 “Hitch” uncertainty reduction theory [Video]. YouTube. Speech 197 Hitch Uncertainty Reduction Theory - YouTube
Tolhuizen, J. H. (1989). Communication strategies for intensifying dating relationships: Identification, use, and structure. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 6, (413- 434). https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407589064002